Formality

We have often heard the sentence, "please don't be formal with me, you can ask for anything and we will try and help you", said in between friends and relatives.

To what extent should one take this statement to heart? Can you indeed be totally informal with anyone? Come to think of it, formality is present in every single relationship - from parents-children, siblings, friends, clients, customers and so on....We like it if someone says "thank you" and "welcome"and "excuse me", don't we? Is that just courtesy or part of being formal? Where does one draw the line between being "formal" and being "family"?

One other sentence that we hear often is "you know, there are limits to every relationship, one has to stick to them and not cross those lines"....Now that I am married, I often wonder where those lines exist between my husband and me. I used to be worried about someone invading my "space" and now I feel like I don't even need one! Should I be formal with my husband as well? Doesn't that put some distance between us? Is that good or bad for the relationship?

Whenever I thank my parents for anything, they say, "Don't be formal with us"... was I just being courteous or formal? My husband has this habit of asking my permission for even the simplest of things and he also thanks me often if I do something for him (way too often, if you ask me)... Sometimes, I feel very odd when he does that and I have told him not to thank me so often.... But, he says, if he doesn't say it, it goes to show that he is taking me for granted....

I don't agree with him 100% but I am still confused as to the extent to which we should exercise formality in close relationships.