We have often heard the sentence, "please don't be formal with me, you can ask for anything and we will try and help you", said in between friends and relatives.
To what extent should one take this statement to heart? Can you indeed be totally informal with anyone? Come to think of it, formality is present in every single relationship - from parents-children, siblings, friends, clients, customers and so on....We like it if someone says "thank you" and "welcome"and "excuse me", don't we? Is that just courtesy or part of being formal? Where does one draw the line between being "formal" and being "family"?
One other sentence that we hear often is "you know, there are limits to every relationship, one has to stick to them and not cross those lines"....Now that I am married, I often wonder where those lines exist between my husband and me. I used to be worried about someone invading my "space" and now I feel like I don't even need one! Should I be formal with my husband as well? Doesn't that put some distance between us? Is that good or bad for the relationship?
Whenever I thank my parents for anything, they say, "Don't be formal with us"... was I just being courteous or formal? My husband has this habit of asking my permission for even the simplest of things and he also thanks me often if I do something for him (way too often, if you ask me)... Sometimes, I feel very odd when he does that and I have told him not to thank me so often.... But, he says, if he doesn't say it, it goes to show that he is taking me for granted....
I don't agree with him 100% but I am still confused as to the extent to which we should exercise formality in close relationships.
Thursday, February 15, 2007
Friday, February 02, 2007
The dirty world of politics
Politics is that evil that has permeated every space on the face of this earth. Be it at home, office or on a larger scale, the country and the continents, politics has ruined several relationships on the way to taking root there.
One might wonder if we really have politics at home, where we are surrounded by our parents, the people who have loved us from the very first moment of our lives on this planet, our siblings, whom we have grown up with for these many years, shared many of those unforgettable moments with.... Sadly, it is true... In the case of a man, enter his wife and the politics begin - his mom trying to outsmart his wife, to prove her wrong, to maintain her supreme status in the house as THE only person who knows him the best, playing dirty games to turn him against his own wife! In the case of a woman, enter her husband and the politics start - with her trying to prove that her love is better than his mom's, competing for the smallest of things, playing dirty games to try and distance him and herself from her in-laws.....Mind you, this is just one face of this dirty game....
Moving outside of one's home, the next place where people spend most of their lives - the work place. Aaahhh, what office doesn't have politics? Please tell me and I will go work there!! What starts as constructive criticism eventually morphs into ugly, nasty remarks with the sole intention of making the other person look bad and incompetent in front of the seniors. When there is a clean path ahead of the person where he can choose to prove himself by achieving higher goals and targets, more often than not, he chooses to trod down the dirty path, getting his hand wet in the all too familiar game of "office politics". In the end, whether he has earned a good name or not, he has smeared all the mud that he possibly can on the other person, who wanted nothing to do with this game in the first place. It is said that if you don't play the game, you lose. Whether you want to or not is besides the point. The game is being played and in order to protect yourself from all that mud, you better learn to join in. You dont have to scoop mud in your hands and smear it all over the opponent, you just need to do know how to dodge when he tries to do it on you!
Of course, the next level of politics is all too well known - the local, national and international governments have nothing to do but play this game on a daily basis. Imagine, about 70% of the time, governments engage in this game and only for the rest of the time, they listen to people and problems and try to resolve them. [1] Isn't this all too sad?
The more I think about it, the more I am convinced that politics is really a game of power. It's all about who gets to sit on the throne and wield power, be it in the house, office or in the world. Having experienced it at two of the three levels, all I can say is, I am as disgusted with it as I was when I was just a mute by-stander.
[1] Statistics come from individual observations, not from any statistical report, apologize in advance if this is wrong!
One might wonder if we really have politics at home, where we are surrounded by our parents, the people who have loved us from the very first moment of our lives on this planet, our siblings, whom we have grown up with for these many years, shared many of those unforgettable moments with.... Sadly, it is true... In the case of a man, enter his wife and the politics begin - his mom trying to outsmart his wife, to prove her wrong, to maintain her supreme status in the house as THE only person who knows him the best, playing dirty games to turn him against his own wife! In the case of a woman, enter her husband and the politics start - with her trying to prove that her love is better than his mom's, competing for the smallest of things, playing dirty games to try and distance him and herself from her in-laws.....Mind you, this is just one face of this dirty game....
Moving outside of one's home, the next place where people spend most of their lives - the work place. Aaahhh, what office doesn't have politics? Please tell me and I will go work there!! What starts as constructive criticism eventually morphs into ugly, nasty remarks with the sole intention of making the other person look bad and incompetent in front of the seniors. When there is a clean path ahead of the person where he can choose to prove himself by achieving higher goals and targets, more often than not, he chooses to trod down the dirty path, getting his hand wet in the all too familiar game of "office politics". In the end, whether he has earned a good name or not, he has smeared all the mud that he possibly can on the other person, who wanted nothing to do with this game in the first place. It is said that if you don't play the game, you lose. Whether you want to or not is besides the point. The game is being played and in order to protect yourself from all that mud, you better learn to join in. You dont have to scoop mud in your hands and smear it all over the opponent, you just need to do know how to dodge when he tries to do it on you!
Of course, the next level of politics is all too well known - the local, national and international governments have nothing to do but play this game on a daily basis. Imagine, about 70% of the time, governments engage in this game and only for the rest of the time, they listen to people and problems and try to resolve them. [1] Isn't this all too sad?
The more I think about it, the more I am convinced that politics is really a game of power. It's all about who gets to sit on the throne and wield power, be it in the house, office or in the world. Having experienced it at two of the three levels, all I can say is, I am as disgusted with it as I was when I was just a mute by-stander.
[1] Statistics come from individual observations, not from any statistical report, apologize in advance if this is wrong!
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