The "only child" syndrome!

I grew up all alone, with no brothers or sisters. I am the "only child" to my parents and hence, the object of all affection, anger and frustration. I have always hated being a "singleton" as the term goes these days. Although it does have its own perks (like getting ice cream whenever I want, without having to share it with another sibling, or getting loads of clothes at one shot 'cos there's no one else to squander my dad's money), it has it's disadvantages as well!

I am the center of attention of my parents' lives and though this sounds like a good thing, believe me, it is not! I had to bear the brunt of my mom's anger when it came to bad grades and at those times, I really wished for an irresponsible brother who got even worse grades than me, so that mom would compare him to me and tell him what a good sister he had! When it came to music and arts, my mom was so protective that she would always insist that the "paatu teachers" should come home and impart music knowledge to me rather than me stepping out into the big, bad world, as a result of which - I have become a bathroom singer, instead of challenging Lata Mangeshkar on stage. Same applied to dance lessons as well! Although one would have thought that veena would have been a good alternative, as the teachers would be more willing to come home and teach me, the idea was immediately shot down as it would mean having 2 veenas in the house and that meant more expenses!! So, there you go, now you know why this creature turned out to be one with no musical talents. Blame it all on being the only child!! Oh, I almost forgot all the times that I had to return home by 6:00 PM (before dark) and wasn't allowed to go to any New Year parties or anything of that kind for fear of "falling into the wrong hands".

Whenever I used to talk to my friends about the "only child" syndrome, they always used to remark on how lucky I was NOT to have any other siblings. I always heard horror stories about how the first-born had to take responsibility for all the things (read, all the wrong things) that happened in the absence of the parents and how the younger sibling got away with anything and everything 'cos (s)he was the "little one"!! But, as the only child, I never got the chance to tease a brother or sister, play pranks on him/her, fight over the smallest of things (like, who got a new atlas that year) or learn to share things at an early age. I always envied friends when they talked about their latest skirmishes with their siblings or about how they sought advise about a particular problem from their sibling instead of taking it to their parents. And I always wanted someone with whom I could commiserate during all the fights that my parents went through. It sure would have been nice to have someone to talk to that knew what was going on then!

I am not "spoilt" like the usual stereotyped notion that goes along with only children. I am just someone who is used to getting all that she wants without having to ask twice! If I had to ask twice, I just had to safely assume that this wasn't something that my parents intended to give me anytime soon! If I needed anything, that would be there before I even opened my mouth to ask for it. If I wanted something, I just had to wait long enough to finish what I was asking for and it would be in front of me. That said, it was much more difficult for me than other people with siblings to adjust to the life in the US without parents. Here, no one gives you anything if you ask for it. In fact, you have to make sure you grab something before someone else reaches for it first!! But I learnt the art of living by myself and soon I was spoiling myself like never before!

Now comes the worst part of being the only child! Marriage!! With no one else ahead of me to worry about, my parents are giving me their whole-hearted concentration in getting me to agree for marriage! This started at a tender age of 20 ( I know people of the older days would say that I am a very lucky person when they read this!) and I have been asked to consider prospective alliances ever since! Parents have this thing about completing their duties and all and apparently the only thing remaining in their list of "things to do" is to get me married! And being the only child, I have to expect the question of "Were you spoilt by your parents?" every single time I talk to someone.

Growing up alone is never fun, however much it appears to be. With all the luxury attached to being an only child, I think growing up with someone else teaches you to share, adjust and take responsibility for your actions.

To summarize, all this has made me resolve two things:
1. When I have kids, I will not stop with one (LOL, I still haven't decided the upper limit as yet) and
2. errr... I will definitely have more than one kid!!!!

Marriage - is it really necessary?

In recent years, I have been plagued, as so many others out there, by this one word - MARRIAGE!!! I am 26 year old woman and hence, am technically racing past the so-called "marriageable age" in my country! Women are supposed to be married before 24 and have their first child by 25. This has been proved biologically to be the perfect age for a woman to bear a child as her body will recover in a snap!

Back from where I come, marriage has a strange connotation. If you are married, then you are "settled" in life. If you have a child, better still - you are considered "responsible"!! Strangely enough, people assume that women are happy and that their lives are made if they are married and most importantly, if they have kid(s). Why is marriage such an important part of our lives? I once read somewhere on the internet, that marriage is a social institution and that it is supposed to tie a man and a woman together and strengthen their relationship. Marriage is also considered to make a person "complete".

A particularly close friend of mine and I always have an argument when it comes to the importance of marriage. I personally feel that marriage is a convenient custom started for the benefit of the other people in a society. I have always wondered how the relationship between two people can be "strengthened" by uniting them through marriage. How does it make a person "complete"? How does it make the society more orderly and organized? My friend argues that if marriage does not exist, then people will be roaming around in a haphazard manner, getting in and out of relationships as they please. Marriage makes it more difficult to do so and binds the two people and forces them to stay under one roof and sort out their differences. My question is, why can we not do the same thing without getting married? If marriage is a commitment of emotions, then why do we have to have laws to enforce the commitment? Why can a man and a woman not live together endlessly without entering into a contractual obligation? Many argue that if the contract is not present, then either party is free to leave the other without prior notice or settlement. So, when there are no emotions left to bind the couple, what is the use of living together? Marriages can also be dissolved through the legal system based on this argument. So, why enter into this contract in the first place? The same friend that I mentioned before had an answer for this question as well. He said that in case of either party "deserting" the other, the victim would receive monetary settlement and thus be able to carry on with their lives. So, is marriage all about protection in case of desertion? What is the use of money when emotions are hurt?

As I mentioned before, I have been in the hot spot for a couple of years now. I have been coerced to "settle down" in life before it is too late...Too late for what? Is marriage really that necessary as compared to getting together with someone you love, understand and enjoy being with?

Religion, Spirituality and God

Are you religious or spiritual? How many times has someone confronted you with this question? What do people really mean when they ask you this? Do they want to know if you believe in God? Or are they trying to ask if you conform to those religious customs that have been set and followed for years together?

The Oxford English dictionary defines spiritual as

spiritual
/spirrityool/
• adjective 1 relating to or affecting the human spirit as opposed to material or physical things. 2 relating to religion or religious belief.

and religion as

• noun 1 the belief in and worship of a superhuman controlling power, especially a personal God or gods. 2 a particular system of faith and worship. 3 a pursuit or interest followed with devotion.


Being spiritual is still related to religion but in a more non-materialistic sort of way. But being religious means you pray to God regularly, go to that temple/church/mosque as frequently as possible and that you live in the fear of God's wrath. How mutually exclusive are these two concepts?

I always tell people that I dont believe in the concept of religion. If someone asks me if I am religious or spiritual, I tell them that I am spiritual. But am I? Do I believe in God? I dont know. Sometimes, I do and sometimes I dont. When I look at all the pain and suffering that is present all over the world, I think to myself, "if God really exists, then why is there so much poverty, pain, suffering, strife and diseases in this world?" I also answer this question by myself, assuming that if all this pain and suffering is not there, how will we know what is better and appreciate what we have? Then, what makes me believe that God exists? There have been some things that have happened in my life that I dont have explanations for. These have been literal miracles and its these things that reinstate my faith in this higher power from time to time. Notice that I said "higher power" and not God.

What is God? Who is God? Each person has a different answer for this question. I believe that God is this strong power that is above all humans, all animals and all living things. I do believe that while this power controls many aspects of our lives, it is not to be looked at as the sole power that can make or break anything. It is said that it is wrong for us mortals to assume that we have any power at all in front of "God". But I beg to differ. I believe that we do have the power to control certain things but at the same time, it is wrong to assume that we have the power to do anything and everything. We have the power to judge and make the right choice at every point in life. But, we don't have the power to control all the variables in the environment that these choices take us into. God is a combination of the human spirit and mind.

I was talking to a friend's father about pretty much the same things here and he said that the older scriptures such as the Vedas and Upanishads all talk about a higher power and do not mention any names as such to worship. So, he said any religion is fine as long as Man follows some faith. He also said that these scriptures specify all the religious rituals that one needs to perform in order to attain "Moksha". What is that supposed to mean? That, if we do not follow these rituals, then we will not go to heaven? The rituals and rites specified in the Vedas and other scriptures relate to the Hindu religion whereas the Bible and Quran state totally different things as ways to attain spiritual salvation. So, who is right and who is wrong?

Religion has always appeared to be a man-made concept to me. Who created all these rituals and rites? Does anyone know for sure (has evidence) to prove that if you conform to all of these rules, he/she will certainly reach heaven? Who has actually seen God? We hear lores about saints who have come face to face with God and who have spread His word thereafter. But, there is no evidence to prove that anyone has actually seen God and that the religions, as we know them today, were actually handed down by these different Gods.

As far as I am concerned, I follow one faith - Humanity. All I know is, I need to be a good human being, helping others as much as I can, leading an honest life without harming others and not judging people by their color, race or religion.

So, the next time, someone asks me if I am religious or spiritual, my answer is going to be "neither". What will be yours?