Insight...

In my 29 years of life on earth, I have seen and experienced a lot. Not so much to stop making wrong choices and not so little to make choices without thought. But I have seen enough to change my outlook on relationships, culture, religion, emotions and much more...

For example, I no longer believe that "God" will take care of you, no matter what.... I know, I know, I have visited this topic more than once... But, really, if you knew my life story, you would question the concept too. I have turned to this power and appealed for help too many times and have been let down that many and more... I remember, as a child, crying for help, guidance and wisdom, to help me understand why things were the way they were and to please change it. I remember not receiving any answers. In times of despair, it was my faith and perseverance that helped me through and not some outside power. It was in the comfort of friends that I sailed through the darkest days. So I choose to believe in people I can see and touch... and myself.

I also no longer believe in a mother's love being the most superior to all. Everyone is human and everyone is selfish. Mothers, too. They are not saints. Everyone does things that will bring them peace and satisfaction. Mothers, too. Yes, I am making a general statement here... There may be exceptions to *this* rule, but not the other way around. Mothers think/hesitate before they "sacrifice" something for their child too... There's nothing wrong in it - I'm just saying that there is no need for glorification, just because she went through 9 months of hell to bring a seed to life. The act of procreation is itself, selfish, if you ask me.

I learnt at an early age that society is a cruel system that will make you unhappy, no matter what you do. So I decided to stop caring and start living life the way I wanted to. Is that selfish? Maybe, but at the very least, I won't have any regrets when I look back to reflect on my life 30 years from now!

You think my experiences have made me a cynic? To some extent... I no longer take anything at face value. I no longer accept that there is unconditional love. I no longer pray for help, I make things happen for myself. If something does not happen, it's because I did not raise a finger to change the situation. Don't get me wrong - there are a lot of external factors that are not within my control, but that does not change the fact that I control my destiny. It has saved me from disappointments, from despairing about things that are not in my control. Most important of all, it has helped me know that I am strong enough to pull through anything and that I can move forward, leaving it all behind.

Visiting Montreal - the France of North America

Deep and I are very interested in traveling and exploring the world. Until recently, we have not traveled outside of the United States and thought it was time we changed that! So, obviously, we were very excited when we finally booked our trip to Montreal, Quebec. I had read and heard a lot of good things about the city and thought that this would be our "Introduction to Europe" trip, before we actually ventured out to the actual continent! Needless to say, high expectations always result in greater disappointment!

It was not the city itself that disappointed me... It was the people - their attitude and demeanor to visitors was appalling! Although Montreal is part of Canada, this city speaks French and if managed, French only!!! All written communication is in French - including directions, menus, notices and everything else you can think of! Fine, that would be acceptable, IF WE WERE IN FRANCE!!!!! For the love of God, we are in CANADA and last time I checked, Canada's first language is still English!!!

Let's leave behind written communication. I am so obviously not French - I don't act French, or look French in any way.... So why communicate with me in French even after I look bewildered after the first few words? And the worst part is, these people act as though tourism is an interruption and not a source of income! No one was good enough to be patient to listen to us, either on the bus or the train. I actually missed a couple of stops on the bus, because the lady driver pretended not to understand my question in english!!!! But, all was not lost - Deep's high school French helped us tremendously to get around and find places! But, I shudder to think what would have happened, had I gone there on my own!!!

Apart from the rude reception and conceit and arrogance of the "French" people, the city itself was marvelous! Montreal is a haven for lovers of architecture and beauty! The Notre Dame Basilica is a beautiful example of the Gothic architecture that you can find all over Montreal! Mont Royal is a great picnic area - with a great park and a great view of the city of Montreal! The Oratoire of St. Joseph is a must see as well! Another fine example of splendid architecture!

Overall, the trip was a mix of good and bad - I am glad I went because of the beautiful architecture and scenery and am hoping that I know what to expect if I ever went to France - which, at this point, I am not so inclined to do!

Is there really God?

A couple of years ago, I denounced religion as a man-made concept and chose to believe in a single higher power called "God". I chose not to give God any names or physical forms. Any time that I needed a push or shove or some strength in difficult situations, I would ask "God" to help me move on. I was living in this state of bliss until this fateful day, when I have started questioning the very existence of "God". Is He (or She, as the Purists believe) just another concept?

We humans have a tendency to attribute the unexplained to the powers of "God". Is that just a convenient way of not dealing with things that are beyond our comprehension? If I get a good job today or win a lottery, everyone else would just say that I am blessed and that God has showered his blessings on me. I would think that this is just a matter of chance. Deep says that probability plays a huge role in life - an unquestionable truth. Chance and "luck" (another word for high probability) are responsible for several things that we do/accomplish in life. Hard work for the rest. So, where does "God" feature in this equation?

Have I prayed regularly and been a believer in "God"? YES - for the past 28 years because that's how I was brought up. Have I received everything that I have asked for? NO. Am I asking for everything in the world and being unreasonable? NO. So, who prioritizes what is more important to grant? If there is a "God" why would be discriminate between His children and prioritize requests? Why does He not take care of the poor people and make sure they have clothes to hide their bodies and food to fill their craving and money to buy the basic necessities in life? Why is there war and strife in His name? Does he not see the innocent people that die every day in this world? Why is there not peace?

Deep, my muse, says that I should clone myself and have my clone pray everyday (unlike me) and communicate with God every single day and see if "miracles" happen to her. And, if they do, would I choose to believe in "God" then? Maybe....Maybe not....Again it is a probability!